If you insist that you are strictly vanilla you’re probably lying to yourself. Almost 40% of people report that they engage in some sort of rough or kinky sex in their private lives… and those are just the people who are honest about their sex lives! Everyone has a kinky side! No one is wholly vanilla… especially in the Fifty Shades era.
Odds are either you or your partner is into some amount of kink, whether you’ve expressed it or not it’s a huge possibility. So, if this sounds like you or your partner, read on!
The world of kink and fetish is sprawling. This includes everything from fascinations with certain body parts (ie feet or armpits) to Dom/sub play, to much wilder things even Christian Grey would blush at. Since there is so much stuff to try, it might be difficult to know where to start with your partner!
Fear not baby-kinkster, I have some advice for you. Here are a few easy ways to start incorporating fetish sex into your private life:
1. Talk about what you like! (Be honest)
Some of the biggest leaps of faith people make in their private life, is vocalizing what they want in the bedroom. It might feel scary to ask for your partner to tie you up or to let you tie them up, but if you don’t vocalize what you want how will you ever be satisfied? One can only subsist on porn for so long…
So sit down and talk to your partner about what you both want. Make a list! My favorite way to structure this conversation is by making a want, will, won’t list. By using these 3 W’s list what you need from sex, what you’d like or be willing to try in the bedroom, and what you absolutely aren’t okay with doing.
This way you and your partner know in which direction to experiment! You’ll learn a lot about your partner – and maybe even yourself! – through this process.
2. Do your research
Some aspects of kink, like bondage, require some prior reading. You need to read up on how to do certain things in the bedroom, especially sex acts that involve some sort of risk. Learn the basics of whatever kink, fetish, or sex act you want to try. Especially if you’re using a fetish sex site such as kinky sex dates.
For instance: when you’re tying someone up you might not think to be careful when pulling rope through loops and past skin. You can give someone serious rope burn if you do this, but a novice might not know that.
Additionally, learning about your partner’s kinks will help you better satisfy them when the time comes!
3. Debrief after playing
After you try something new, make sure you check in your partner at length after the encounter (if you’re doing something that involves risk, make sure you’re checking in while you’re playing to make sure they’re comfortable).
Make sure you have a conversation about what went well and what didn’t. From there you’ll know how to do better next time thus making your first experiences with kink better and better!